Forever
by Jackrabbit2011
Summary: Mortality, death, aging. It was always on my mind, whenever I was with the Doctor. How long did I have left, with him? How much longer could I live the dream? I was always running, not wanting tomorrow. Turns out tomorrow runs faster than we thought.
1. Prologue

**A/N: Right people- I'm gonna apologise in advance; I think I'm breaking EVERY code of conduct involving Doctor Who here; but this came to me in a dream, and I just couldn't let it go to waste in my head- so enjoy! **

**Disclaimer: Own the plot, nothing else- and no person (besides me!!) would ever do this to Rose and the Doctor! **

**Prologue **

**I **knew this man once. This wonderful, brilliant, absolutely crazy man.

He saved planets, stars; people on a daily basis, but not once did anyone ever thank him for it. Most places forgot him, almost as soon as he was gone.

He never asked for thanks- but then again he never asked for the trouble either, but he got that. He got a lot of that.

And I loved him. Still do.

His name is the Doctor.

My mortality is not something I ever thought about- now it underlies every thought I have. My death; it is I something a fear and yearn for. At 23, I still possessed that limitless, childish faith that only old people die; that I had all the time in the world. I thought Rose Tyler and everyone around her was invincible- death only occurred to _other_ people. Never me, never the people I loved.

That's what made it so surprising.

For the Doctor I would have done everything- I was ready, so _ready_, to leave my old life- even my mum- behind in a split second to go and travel with him.

I loved every minute, the travelling- I wouldn't change any of it. Not even the monsters, the near-death experiences, the fear- I want it all. Because it is commemoration of the time I spent with the Doctor. I was so convinced that I would travel with him forever- I thought it would never end. I detested any thought that I would leave the TARDIS and go back to an old life of living in a house, go back to working in a shop.

But in the end, it wasn't my choice.

**A/N: Reviews? Please! Next chapter tomorrow, if I get nice reviews. **


	2. Gilia

**Thanks for my reviews! And I'm glad I got people's attention with the Prologue! Enjoy... **

**Chapter 1: Gilia **

**W**here are we, Doctor?" I asked as I stepped out of the TARDIS, blinking in the bright sunlight. It was considerably brighter than the sun on Earth. I glanced at the Doctor, the question ready on my lips-

"The sun is closer than yours," He answered my question before it was even past my lips. "Less than half the distance from Gilia than your sun is from Earth."

I nod, not really getting it- the surroundings were taking far too much of my attention to allow that.

Gilia was beautiful- a fantasy world, really; blue skies, miracle-grow flowers…

But I'd learnt from experience that the most beautiful, harmless looking places were the most dangerous.

And I was right.

* * *

For a while, we walked.

Just walked through the forest. It really was a lovely place, I thought- the trees were thick and tall, the air thick with scents of pine and mint and ferns. Dimly, I could hear the gurgle of a brook, or stream, somewhere on my right; obscured by ferns and other such undergrowth. It was all very Delamere, but no car parks.

"Are there people?" I asked as we walked. The Doctor laughed.

"'Course there are!" He said, bouncing around on his tip-toes. "What kind of place wouldn't have civilisation, Tyler?!" He glanced around appraisingly. "Hmm… we're probably in some form of nature reserve. _Luurrrve_ it!"

"Bit excited, are we?!" I teased, but before he could reply, a blue-black blur ahead of me caught my attention. I frowned- the splash of colour had been instantly noticeable in all the green and it had flashed into my vision and away again before I could blink.

One look at the Doctor told me he'd seen it too- we looked at each other, the silence lengthening, until-

"Come on, then!" The Doctor cried, leaping forwards. "I think we're supposed to follow, and even if we're not, we're sure as gonna! Rose Tyler, let us nosy!"

With a startlingly cheery laugh, he bounded forward, almost disappearing into the trees before I had time to recover myself.

I stumbled clumsily after his flapping coat- a brown smudge amidst the all the green- trying hard to catch up with him- but the Doctor was on full hyper mode; running as fast as his long legs could carry him. Which, I thought as I tumbled along, was _bloody_ fast.

The forest around me seemed intent on slowing me down- roots threatened to grab my ankles; ferns smacked viciously against my outstretched hands, fluttering across my face, turning my whole world leafy green. Which was probably why I didn't see the Doctor stop in front of me, and went careening into him.

It was also not great that he had happened to be standing at the top of a hill, and upon my impact went tumbling down it, me following.

My world receded into a thin tunnel, revolving as I rolled; round and round and round until I felt sick with the momentum. But I just kept going- time slowing down until I had no idea if I had been rolling for a minute or an hour.

But after some amount of time passed, I inevitably stopped moving.

Groaning, I lay on the earthy floor, panting. Pine needles dug into the palms of my hands, and the scent of earth and bark filled my nostrils, making me sneeze.

"Bloody hell, Tyler- has my influence driven you so crazy that you felt the need to throw us off a hill?!" I breathed a sigh of relief as I heard the Doctor's voice somewhere above me, and then I felt strong hands grasp my arms, hoisting me to my feet. I grinned at the Doctor, flicking blonde hair out of my face irritably. I noticed the smile he was desperately trying to hide. "…what?"

"Oh, nothing." He said quickly. Too quickly. I narrowed my eyes at him. "Well, it's just I think you might want to change?" His tone was so innocent that I felt a pang of dread and looked down at myself.

"…ah." I said, examining the damage- it seemed my shirt had caught of some form of branch or twig during the rolling session I had inflicted upon us; and well, let's just say I was so glad I wore nice underwear, because you could see quite a lot of the cleavage bit. "Oi," I said, flicking the Doctor on the arm, making him tear his eyes away. "It's thirty an hour to stare in public." I smirked as I saw a very distinctive pink spot appear on his cheeks as he coughed.

"Anyway"- he began, his face clearly stating how uncomfortable he was at being caught in a distinct moment of blokishness- but at that moment, there was a scrabbling of clawed feet above us. With a cascade of earth and pine needles, a small head appeared.

At first glance, it looked like a bird; but as I looked closer, I realised it was far too big. Easily six feet tall.

It screeched and launched itself off of the edge towards us- I squeaked and backed quickly away, stopping only when I felt the Doctor's hand in mine- as two large, very feathery blue wings snapped out from behind its back and it glided casually to the forest floor, landing easily mere metres from us. Its large, round eyes shone as it looked at us; its beak clicking intelligently as it inched forwards, until it was a scarce fifty centimetres from the Doctor.

"…hello." He murmured, and the bird cawed excitedly, its elation making me start. "Who's with you then?"

"That would be _me_." The voice was high and distinctly feminine, and I looked up again; and my blue eyes met the owner's black ones. The stranger laughed- the sound holding a strange tinkling, like breaking glass- and leapt lithely over the rim of the hill; sailing through the air like a kite and landing perfectly- cat-like- on the ground before us, twenty feet below.

The Doctor grinned at the strange woman, I a felt a pang of jealousy. "Hello! I'm the Doctor, this is Rose- nice to meet ya. Who are you?" I winced at his excited bluntness, but she didn't seem to mind.

"My name is Sister Kesh. I am the Junior Priestess of the Gilia Children." The Doctor nodded cheerily at her rather extravagant neck adornment.

"I'm lovin' ya bling by the way." He caught my eye and shrugged. "What? I'm _hip_, me."

"Yeah, sure- you'd fit right in with a bunch of forty year olds." I said teasingly, and he frowned.

"Hey, I'm hoping that wasn't an insult, Tyler." He warned huffily. " 'Cause I can easily take you back to the Powell estate."

"You could- but that would involve you going within fifty feet of Jackie Tyler, and you really don't wanna do that, do ya?" The Doctor's smug smile vanished, and I laughed at the real fear on his face.

"No way- not after last time."

"She was just happy to see you!" I argued, but it was no use.

"That does not excuse _kissing me_." The Doctor made a face, like a four year old that just had granny spit rubbed over his face by a cleaning handkerchief. He shivered. "Ugh. I can still feel it now…"

"Oh, it wasn't that bad"-

"If I may interrupt."

We turned to see the stranger waiting impatiently- I figured she was probably about a second away from tapping her foot in irritation. I coughed apologetically.

"Sorry about that- he gets a bit over-excited meeting new visitors."

"Oi," The Doctor interrupted again, his voice indignant. "I'm not that bad." He paused. "Am I?"

"Very much so." I whispered, and then, in a louder voice; "So, what do we owe the pleasure?" I saw the Doctor raise his eyebrows out of the corner of my eye, but I studiously ignored him.

Kesh smiled at me. "Your presence was noted in the Palace, and I was sent to find you." Her eyes flicked around her, almost fearfully. "It is not safe here; especially not for people on foot."

* * *

"The reservation was created generations ago- to preserve the wildlife." Kesh explained as they walked- Jeshi the Vark following timidly behind them; she was a lovely bird-thing, very… domestic for a six foot tall purple alien bird. "The Gilians tried to keep as much of the natural world as possible as their settlements grew. So they created areas hundreds of miles wide and"-

"- put everything natural inside." The Doctor finished, nodding at me. "Good idea- shame you Earthens couldn't have managed that." I threw him a look as we walked- which would have been a great comeback, had a tree root not taken that moment to entangle my feet, causing me to fall over in what could have been described as an artistic collapse.

The Doctor's smug face appeared above me, grinning like the annoying loon he was.

"Alright down there, love?"

"I'm. Fine." I growled through gritted teeth as I tried to get to my feet with as much dignity as I could regain. The Doctor tutted at me, his face showing me clearly that he wasn't buying it. "Just shush up, you"- I stopped, glancing ahead of me, where I could see the trees thinning; a glimpse of some form of building could be seen beyond them. "Captain, I be seeing land up ahead!" I crowed, and the Doctor grinned.

"Ooh-arrr, you'd be right therrre lassie!"

Which, of course, led to Kesh shooting us wary looks over her shoulder- but we were too engrossed in laughing to be perturbed by her looks which stated clearly she thought we belonged in a mad-house. Not that we needed one; we had a mad-ship instead.

I can hardly remember being so carefree.

**Reviews? **


	3. Zekinyah

**Not that we needed one; we had a mad-ship instead.**

**I can hardly remember being so carefree.**

**Chapter 2: Zekinyah**

**T**he Place on the Horizon turned out to be the Palace.

It didn't _look_ much like a palace, I thought as I scrutinised the building in front of me. I learnt slightly later (via the Doctor) that it wasn't actually _a_ palace- that was just its name. Of which I was glad; because it wouldn't bode well for my impression of the Gilians if their royal palace looked more like an office building than the Queen's expensive domain.

"This way." Kesh's voice broke through my thoughts like a knife through butter. I shivered; not really the best description I could've thought of. The strange woman strode arrogantly through a set of blue glass doors, nodding stiffly at the two guards standing either side of it; their professionally blank faces melting slightly as they eyed me as I walked past. I smirked at the warning look I saw the Doctor flash at them- I loved seeing him like that. Jealous Doctor was a Doctor I rather loved, especially if it was over me.

I winked at him as he stalked past me- he studiously ignored me, still glaring at the guards; I hid a smile. The Doctor was practically inches away from puffing out his tail feathers like an enraged peacock. I hooked an arm through his reassuringly as we walked; not that I'd ever tell him, but I never went for guys in uniform anyway- I figured it was good for him to feel threatened. God knows I felt that way often enough; with his little entourage of simpering woman walking daintily in his wake everywhere we went.

Kesh led us through several white corridors- unadorned, but in a rather nice way; the white walls held a tint of pearlish colour that glimmered in the chandelier light, and the marble floor was smooth, its white surface decorated with impulsive spatters of grey and silver and the very palest pink, threaded into the stone with an artistic talent. Every so often, we would pass silent, white-robed people- the corridors were wide enough that we didn't even have to move to let them pass- with the most interesting headdresses I had ever seen.

They were all silver- but everyone who had passed had had a different design; they were intricate pieces of artwork, looking almost hand-crafted in their simplistic elegance. There seemed to be a recurring theme- a thin rope of silver, with some form of shape resting on the forehead, the stones that were embedded in the silver the same colour as the eyes of the owner. But, given that we were on an alien planet, it meant that I had seen a menagerie of headdresses with black, orange, pink, red, gold stones set into them pass me by. The owners keeping their eyes averted, as if forbidden to stare at us.

"It is a custom to not speak or look at newcomers." The Doctor murmured under is breath, and I snorted.

"Plain rude."

"Not here." The Doctor shrugged.

I sighed. "Evidently."

* * *

After many boring white corridors, Kesh directed us into a wide, empty hall that was shrouded in darkness.

Well, I say empty- apart from the five cloaked figures kneeling at the centre of the room, their heads bowed before a large statue, as if prayer. None of them stirred as the door behind us slammed shut with a wince-inducing _smack_ that echoed through the high ceilinged hall. Looking around curiously, I realised that there were four other exits to the room- each a the point of the huge star carved in the marble of the floor, the praying figures in its centre. At the very tip of each point was a tall metal bracket holding a single, fat white candle that burned with a purple flame, infusing the air with a faint whisper of sage and honey. The candles' thin flames were the only source of light, bar the slender shafts seeping through slits in the domed room, slicing the darkness into thick strips.

The Doctor coughed- the noise sounding uncannily like a honking goose- and the figure furthest away, nearest to the statue snapped its head up at the echoing noise.

"Hello!" The Doctor's exuberantly happy voice seemed oddly out of place in the almost sterile stillness of the hall, and I couldn't help but flinch as the four other figure's heads snapped up from the floor, their faces still shrouded in the complete blackness of their hoods.

I gulped hollowly- the air felt odd in my lungs; devoid of anything but oxygen, everything else leeched away. There was no underlying taste of petrol, or flowers or dust; there was just nothing. It coated the inside of my throat, making my head spin, my throat feel thick, full of cotton full as I struggled to breathe properly in the total absence of anything but the necessity.

The Doctor caught me as my knees buckled, and through the dark splotches threatening to obscure my vision, I saw his face; the concern obvious under the freckles, and the sight of him brought me back.

"Sorry about that," I said, my voice as heavy as my limbs felt. "Don't know what…what came o-over me…" My voice was trailing off, refusing to connect to my brain as I struggled to think through the haze that was coating everything-

I dimly felt the Doctor's hands slide under my body as I fought to remain conscious, and then the floor disappeared from underneath me; I would have panicked, but there wasn't enough of me still connected to really piece together a reaction.

My head flopped onto his chest as he carried me- my neck spongy, like a newborn's- and my eyelids became leaden, the darkness proving too powerful as it swept over me-

And then it was gone; the lethargy vanishing as easily as it had swept over me, like some sort of cloud, and I jolted out of the Doctor's arms- a delayed reaction of being picked up. My feet hit the floor less than a metre below, but the surge proved too much for my shaky body; my knees refused to support my weight and the floor rushed up to meet me for the seconds time in only minutes-

"Easy does it girl!" I heard the Doctor cry, and then I felt his hands on my waist as he steadied me. I leaned against him, breathing heavily; clutching my head as I tried to rub away the stabbing pain that was lancing through my forehead.

"What… what happened?"

"It's the incense." He explained, eyeing the nearby white candle warily- the candle sat in its bracket silently, innocently puffing out billows of purple smoke as I looked at it, still leaning against the Doctor. I couldn't trust my legs to not betray me, not just yet. "Sorry, I didn't think- it's devouring all of the other gases in the room apart from oxygen- and, being difficult and human, you need Enzoite. It's a special chemical that's sort of… carried along in the atmosphere. Wherever there's oxygen and carbon dioxide, there's Enzoite. Your body uses it for respiration."

I frowned. "Never heard of it." The Doctor grinned at me in that really patronizing ways he's got; the one that makes you want to hit him.

"Course you haven't- mankind doesn't discover it's existence until the late thirtieth century."

I nodded at him. "Right, yes, obviously."

"Can we help you?" The two of turned together to see the five figures from before standing a metre away, their black hoods thrown back to reveal very striking, very… tattooed, features.

The owner of the voice was a woman at the head of the small crowd, and she exuded a sort of arrogant indifference that made me assume she was the leader. She was a very dark woman- her skin was rich mahogany colour- the black tattoos curling around her features like vines shining brightly in the candle light. Her entire face was covered by them- twisting and melding to form the most bizarre and unfathomable patterns. The others, I noticed, all had the same tattoos- different from the woman's and far less extravagant, but theirs were identical.

"Ah, right," The Doctor mused, looking at the woman curiously. "And you would be?..."

"High Priestess Zekinyah of the Gilia Children." She answered, her voice deep and cultural; making me reluctant to speak in my common Cockney drawl. The Doctor grinned at her. "And you must be the Doctor. We've been expecting you."

"Brilliant! Don't know why of course, but it sounds like good fun- unless it's a _bad_ expectant? It's not is it? To be honest, I'm a bit tired of running around and being chased by crazed aliens intent on imprisoning me. Get's a bit tedious after nine centuries."

I flashed a sympathetic smile in Zekinyah's direction- completely understanding the taken aback look on her face- but secretly I was humming with satisfaction; there was no-one, anywhere who knew the Doctor like I did.

"Now, I'm assuming Kesh brought us here for a reason, or is this just a little chat we're here for?" the Doctor continued, oblivious to the Gilia Children's unnerved looks.

"No, it is not a 'chat' you are here for, Doctor"-

"Aww," the Doctor sniffed disappointed. "Shame, you can't _beat _a good cup of tea and a chat!"

Zekinyah blinked several times, as if she was trying to shake off the Doctor's crazy enthusiasm for randomness, and then smiled a rather forced, I thought, smile. "Um, moving _swiftly_ onwards- we need a doctor."

"Well, then I'm your man- what do you need?" Without waiting for a response, he launched into a detailed list of his qualities; "… tracking, puzzles, medicine, electricals- I'm a dab hand with a drill! - Mathematics, science, carrot-picking… whatever you need me for, I'm here. As long as it's legal." I noticed the Doctor's eyebrows rise in an almost threatening way- and I knew that whatever they needed him for, it _would_ stop if he didn't like it. I knew from experience.

Zekinyah smiled ruefully. "Don't really need any carrots picking today, Doctor- but we'll give you a call. No, we've got a slight problem in one of our laboratories- one of the subjects seems to be ill, and none of us can diagnose it."

The Doctor sighed. "Oh, it's _never_ the carrots- I offer but no-one takes me seriously… I'll see what I can do." He added after he caught Zekinyah watching him. "What kind of animal is it?"

Zekinyah waved her hand dismissively as she headed for the door. "Only, it's only a primitive sapient- breed. Not even fully developed yet. All very pointless if you ask me. The results aren't even that good, but the Ethics Council insists…" I shared a glanced with the Doctor as we headed out of the prayer hall and into another corridor- and he slipped a hand into mine, sensing my discomfort- I didn't like these people. There was just something about them that I didn't like. It set ever nerve in my body jangling like a plucked wire.

* * *

Zekinyah paused at the foot of a set of stairs and turned to the Doctor, as if something had just occurred to her. "Sorry, almost forgot- what species are the two of you? We need to know for the disinfectant." She explained. "It's all been specifically designed to suit the species', to provide maximum sterilisation. Can't be too careful, with the test subjects concerned. They seem highly susceptible to certain infections."

"Oh," The Doctor exhaled, smiling humourlessly. "I don't think you'll have a specially designed formula for _my_ race, High Priestess."

"Well, I'm sure they will- they're built around galaxies, not the people. Which one?"

The Doctor looked at her darkly, and I squeezed his fingers comfortingly. His silence hung thick in the air, stretching out for so long I thought it would never end, until-

"Earth. Both of us." I wanted desperately to look at him, but I knew it would give his lie away. I didn't know why the Doctor was lying to them. Maybe he felt the same wariness towards them as I did; but it couldn't have been a bad thing to let them underestimate us. We might need the element of surprise later…

Zekinyah's smile had disappeared, and I noticed two of her entourage exchange a glance that was loaded with something I couldn't name.

"You're… human?"

The Doctor's eye narrowed. "That a problem?"

Zekinyah's plastic smile was back- but there was something underneath it now, something dark and sinister about the Priestess- and I felt the Doctor's hands tightened around mine.

"Of course not- we Gilians like humans so _very_ much."


	4. Subjects

**Zekinyah's plastic smile was back- but there was something **

**underneath it now, something dark and sinister about the Priestess- **

**and I felt the Doctor's hands tightened around mine.**

"**Of course not- we Gilians like humans so **_**very**_** much."**

**Chapter Three: Subjects**

**W**e followed Zekinyah and her little band of merry-faced monks up a flight of stairs, across two corridors; a long room full of tired-looking people sitting at desks, typing away at what looked like science reports- and then another flight of stairs. All the while, Zekinyah's words resonating through my mind like a broken cassette tape. It just kept going round and round, playing over and over again; every time my brain picking out different aspects to analyse and worry over- the tone of her voice, the slight disdain when she had said the word 'human', her facial expression, the way she had walked away…

I shook myself, roughly; I could drive myself mad with over-thinking. She'd said one simple sentence, and I had spent ten minutes going over it in my head, looking for clues-

I leaned closer to the Doctor, seeking comfort in his arms and receiving it; I hated the show of weakness, but right then all I wanted to do was curl up in a corner, to feel the heat of his arms draped over my shoulders…

But I couldn't. I had to keep walking; had to be satisfied with feeling his presence behind me as we followed Zekinyah; my sense of dread growing with every step, so powerful it was making my heart speed up.

And I could tell without looking that the Doctor felt just the same. I could sense his body, every cell tense under his clothes; ready for whatever Zekinyah had in store for us…

* * *

Within minutes, we had left the corridors and the occasional passerby behind; now the corridor was narrower, every door locked and guarded with lethal looking guns in white body armour. I shrank away from there gazes now; they looked at me with cold, calculating stares that had me wanting to disappear, nothing like the playful glances of the guards at the gate.

"Why all the men in white?" The Doctor piped up, his voice still cheery- it seemed only I could tell that it was just a façade; I could see the tightness of his jaw, the stiff way he moved; the flat glint in his eyes that told me that what he was seeing, he didn't like. Not one bit. "What needs such heavy guarding?"

"It's just a precaution- the laboratories require constant sterilisations, and we cannot have trespassers anywhere _near_ them," Zekinyah answered without turning around, nodding to another set of guards as they passed through. "Infection would prove disastrous for the testing results."

I felt slightly sick- the smell was really getting to me now-as we continued, passing through the last door to come to a stop next to a white lift. Everything had adopted a hospital feel- everywhere was sterile white, the air laced with bleach; not a speck of dust or grime anywhere. Sterile, cold, unloving… the very walls scream inhospitable at me as we walked into the lift. It was big enough for the seven of us to fit in quite comfortably, but still I stayed practically glued to the Doctor's side. Zekinyah noticed and smiled at me- but it was more of a leer.

"Afraid, Miss Tyler?" She asked, her voice dwindling to a menacing hiss. I glared at her defiantly, but I couldn't stop my shoulders shaking slightly as she laughed, the sound reverberating around us. The Doctor moved slightly, angling himself so I was almost behind him; of which I was all too glad of- pathetically so; I couldn't stand the eerie coldness emanating from the High Priestess. I ignored the small voice in my head that purred in pleasure at my close proximity to the Doctor, and I was consciously aware of the small circle of heat on the small of my back where his hand rested. I consider manoeuvring away from him, to prove a point to Zekinyah, but the voice inside my hissed angrily at the prospect of moving away from the Doctor.

I shook myself internally- as roughly as I possibly could without actually moving; I really needed to focus. I was being so human- so caught up in the Doctor; I wasn't really paying attention to everything else. I don't think he was either.

Maybe if we had, none of it would have happened.

"So very heroic, Doctor." Zekinyah chuckled, her voice mocking. "To place yourself in dangers way for a simple little girl like her."

I felt the Doctor practically spit back at the high priestess. "Are you calling yourself a danger, Zekinyah? Because believe me, you do _not_ want to threaten me." I flinched at the darkness in the Doctor's voice- I hated it when I spoke like that. It was like the Doctor disappeared and I was left with a black stranger.

But Zekinyah only laughed away the Doctor's words. The lift stopped before anyone could speak, however, and the high priestess smiled coldly at the Doctor.

"We're here. Come, Doctor- let us see if we can help each other."

* * *

The room we stepped out onto was almost identical to one we had just left- it was large, white and very, very hospital-like. The only difference was that there were people here.

They reminded me strongly of the catnuns from New Earth; their flowing white robes reached the floor, obscuring every part of their bodies- even their hands were shrouded in thick white gloves. I couldn't see their faces, either- they were covered by thin white material, like a shroud, but thicker. You could see nothing but very vague features beyond them.

There were several of them milling around the room; I had a sense it some sort of reception. Carrying white office files, pushing a steel gurney across the tiles floor-

"This way, Doctor." Zekinyah's voice interrupted my thoughts, and I felt the Doctor's irritation at the brisk arrogance in Zekinyah's tone as she ordered him along. My fingers closed around his warningly- it would do us no good to start a fighting match with the priestess when we were this deep in her territory for the sake of the Doctor's pride. Taking a deep breath and swallowing his retort, the Doctor pulled me along after the receding backs of the priestess and her entourage.

* * *

We passed into yet another room- but this one was considerably smaller- barely bigger than an average lift, I was uncomfortably close to one of the Gilia Children.

_Stage one, Disinfectant. _

I heard an electronic voice announce, and before I could ask what it meant; water sprayed out from a nozzle set into the ceiling. I cried out in frustration as water dripped into my eyes.

"I'm so going to kill you!" I mouthed at the Doctor and he grinned, his wet hair flopping into his hair as water dripped off him. I smirked. "You look like a drowned rat!" I giggled and he glared at me.

"At least I don't look like a _blonde_ drowned rat!" He retorted and I was about to reply when I felt warm away being blown at me, blasting the water away.

_Stage two, Disinfectant. _

I glared at the Doctor as I was batted with warm air on all sides- making feel suspiciously like I was kite on an air current. Though I suppose it wasn't the worst thing I could feel like.

And then the fans were gone, and I was left glaring at the Doctor- his brown hair even crazier than usual- from under the blonde bush my hair had puffed out into.

"Don't. You. Dare. Say. _Anything._" I growled, pointing a threatening finger at the Doctor, who was trying his hardest to remain expressionless as he stared intently at my face. I could practically hear his brain screaming- _whatever you do, do NOT, under ANY circumstances, look at her hair!!!! _

Of course, whilst _I _looked like I'd sprouted a giant puffball out of my head, Zekinyah and her monkeys looked impeccably perfect; every hair in place.

"You know, Rose," The Doctor began, leaning away from my accusing finger warily as he backed further away from me, towards the open door of the disinfectant room. My eyes narrowed. "I think you look simply _brilliant_ with an afro."

And before I had time to react, he had darted through the doors and into the room beyond, cackling his head off like a skinny, brown haired witch.

Oh, I could have killed him.

But I got distracted.

I was halfway towards him- he was still backing away, further into the room, keeping his back turned away from me- when I stopped. The irritated glare slipped off my face as I took in was in the room behind the Doctor. His taunting smirk disappeared as he registered my frozen expression.

"…Rose?" He called, inching closer, wary of an attack. But I couldn't move. "Are you alright?"

"D-Doctor..." I trailed off, and he finally turned around.

The Doctor stopped dead, all of his former playfulness gone as he stared at the same scene as I was.

Across from us was a wall- metres high by countless metres wide- every inch of covered with white, steel cages. The kind you found in laboratories for testing animals in.

Except the occupants weren't animals.

**Thanks to my lovely reviewers- **

**Lizzle09, WeepingAngel123, BloodyDeath11, Child Of Gallifrey**- **where are the rest of ya people?!! **


	5. Catfight

**A/N: Huge thanks to everyone who reviewed- I'd write it anyway, but it's always better to have people liking your writing!... **

**Across from us was a wall- metres high by countless metres wide- **

**every inch of covered with white, steel cages. The kind you found in **

**laboratories for testing animals in.**

**Except the occupants weren't animals.**

**Chapter Four: Catfights**

**H**umans." I flinched as the Doctor turned round, his eyes blazing and spat the words at Zekinyah, his voice red with fury. "You're using humans as disposable lab rats."

Zekinyah seemed immune to the Doctor's rage- she didn't seem to acknowledge that he was almost shaking with anger, and all of it was directed straight at her.

"They are a simple, primitive race, Doctor"-

"Oi, watch it," I broke in, my voice clipped as I glared at the High Priestess. Her gaze was one of disdain now, and it made me angrier every second that I stared into her horribly perfect face. "That's me you're talking about, _lady_."

Zekinyah sniffed pompously, examining her fingernails as if I were unworthy of her gaze. "You are a prime example of the indolence and the commonness of the human being, Miss Tyler. They are so very childlike, Doctor- wouldn't you agree? Your race is far more developed; how can you stand to look at such an involved species?"

The Doctor was about to argue back, but as Zekinyah's words sank in, he paused. "… what do you mean, 'my race'? I told you, before, we're"-

"Oh, stop it." Zekinyah interrupted, irritated. "When our scanners detected the two of you, your species was recorded. I have undeniable proof of your Gallifreyian heritage, Doctor."

"Oh alright- worth a shot." The Doctor, said, nodding in defeat. "But what I am doesn't change anything, Zekinyah- I will not stand by and allow you to carry on using human life-forms as test subjects. The Earth is a Grade A planet; it's against all Galactic Laws set down by the Shadow Proclamation."

Zekinyah shrugged. "The Shadow Proclamation aren't here, are they, Doctor?!"

"No, but I am."

I watched anxiously as the two of them stared at each other coolly, both refusing to submit and look away first. Finally, it was Zekinyah who broke the silence.

"You will help us, Doctor." She said quietly, with such utter confidence I would have believed her, had it not been the Doctor she was trying to order about. He snorted loudly at her.

"There is no way in this universe I would ever help you." Without waiting for her response, he called over to me, still looking at Zekinyah. "Rose, come on. We're leaving."

I was just about to move forwards- eternally grateful that we were going to leave this place and the High Priestess's influence behind- when I heard a swish of fabric behind me as someone moved fast- really fast- and I felt a cold, glass-like hand cover my mouth.

The only sound that came out was a sort of muffled squeak, but it was enough for the Doctor to hear.

"_Get off her_!" He ordered, but the person refused to relinquish his hold- I could tell it was Zekinyah's henchmen by the black fabric I could see. It was everywhere; and I had iron hand grasping my wrists, my waist; anywhere they could reach.

I struggled like a fish out of water, but it made no difference; fear was fuelling my frantic thrashing, but it was no match for the Gilian men who had hold of me.

It was Zekinyah's cold, confidant voice that stopped my struggles- it froze me to the spot as she began to speak. There was nothing I could do but meet the Doctor's gaze across the hall, as I was locked in place by the witch's voice.

"You see, Doctor? You will help us." She laughed- the sound high and cruel- and yet the Doctor didn't even look at her. His eyes remained fixed on mine as he spoke.

"Let her go, Zekinyah." I strained to hear his voice over the frantic beating of my heart. I didn't know why, but I was convinced with utter sincerity that this was one of the last times I would hear his voice…

I flinched at the thought- I wasn't going to die, not here, not any time soon; the Doctor wouldn't let that happen. I knew he wouldn't.

"Oh, but she is so very precious to you, Doctor." Zekinyah purred, moving towards him with an almost predator-like gait. "And she will make you comply with us."

"What do you want from me, Zekinyah?"

The High Priestess laughed again, disbelief colouring her tone. "You mean you don't know? Look around you, Doctor- Gilia is a sick world. Full of bacteria and infections and disease. We try our best here to create cures, antidotes; but the viruses evolve as soon as we do. Humans are not fast enough, Doctor."

"So what do you… oh." The Doctor said, his face paling as he realised. He shook his head fiercely. "No, Zekinyah. It doesn't work like that. My blood's different from yours- any antidote you created from me could be capable of killing every single Gilian it comes into contact with."

I felt a scream bubble up from my covered throat as I realised what he was saying.

With a choked cry, I wrenched the hand from my mouth and screamed as loud and as hard as I could at Zekinyah.

"_No!_ Don't you _dare_ touch him Zekinyah!" I screeched, and began to wrestle harder against my captives- but this time I wasn't just trying to get away; I was trying to get to _her_. She would die before she touched him.

My vision was red as I growled, hardly feeling the nails digging into my arms as they tried futilely to subdue me- and with a deranged cry that sounded like some sort of tiger, I yanked myself out of the Gilia Children's grip and launched myself at the High Priestess.

I sailed through air, directly towards my target- not quite in the same elegant fashion as Kesh had, but I was past caring- and hit her squarely in the chest.

Zekinyah was not nearly as solid as her entourage- and she folded like a piece of paper underneath me. I barely felt the floor as we crashed into it- I was on top, so I hardly felt anything but a tiny shake of impact- and was beyond my sense anyway now; intent only on clawing the mad bitch's perfect face off.

Part of me purred in satisfaction as I heard her frantic squeals; but then I felt hands grasp my forearms and drag me upwards, away from her. I snarled quietly, struggling against my captive; this one was stronger than the other men had been, but somewhere in my crazed mind I knew I could have defeated him. It was only the coolness of the hands on my wrists and the voice in my ear that made me stop thrashing and realize it was the Doctor.

"Rose, you're better than her." He murmured, and I relaxed slightly, all of my previous venom gone. I would have killed her- I _wanted_ to- if he hadn't said those next words. "Please, don't attack her. For me, don't become as bad as they are."

I nodded against him, my gaze on Zekinyah as she was helped up by her ever-loyal lapdogs. I was pleased to see there was still some fear in her eyes as she spoke.

"She's a loyal one, Doctor." She nodded at me, as if she was speaking about some sort of dog. I longed to leap at her again, but the Doctor's words made me stop, restrain myself. "So keen to protect you."

"What else are humans for?!"

The Doctor replied, raising his eyebrows at the priestess. All of the time they were talking, he still hadn't let go of my wrists- keeping me close to his chest, as if he were afraid I would go crazy and attack her again.

I wouldn't, of course- but I wasn't going to tell him that. I liked the position I was in. Maybe too much.

"Quite." Zekinyah sniffed, and glared at the Doctor. "Now, where were we before your pet attacked me? Oh, yes." From the depths of her voluminous black robe-thing, she pulled out a small, silver pistol-looking thing that I did _not_ like the look of one bit. She smiled as the Doctor stiffened, already beginning to move me behind him. "Surrender to us, or your little pet dies."

And without waiting for a reply, she pulled the trigger and shot me in the chest at point-blank range.

A/N: Ooh, such a cliffie there... next chapter tomorrow, or Sunday- reviews?...


	6. Sleep

**A/N: So sorry for the wait people! Thanks for the reviews as well; I really did enjoy writing this story (so much so that this is the Forever Cycle on my USB, with another two fics written around it. LEt me know if you liked this story enough to want them too!) and it's always nice to be told nice things!... **

**Lizzle09 (as ever!) horserocks8, Beth (god you two are pushy!) and Weepingangel1123 **

"**Surrender to us, or your little pet dies."**

**And without waiting for a reply, she pulled the trigger **

**and shot me in the chest at point-blank range.**

**Chapter Five: Sleep **

The moment Zekinyah pulled the trigger; my world retreated into mute, startling lucidity.

It was like I was staring through a magnifying glass; I could see and feel everything with so much clarity that it took my breath away. Everything was crystal-clear- the coldness of the Doctor's hands around my wrists; the tiny, almost imperceptible click in my bones as his grip tightened around me. My sense of smell had intensified too; I could smell the tiny particles stuck to the fabric of my clothes, the brown jacket of the Doctor's that I had my head rested on- grass, tea, dust. I could smell the bitter tang of gunpowder. I just couldn't hear anything.

I saw the powder ignite in the gun barrel as I stared down it into blackness; the darkness sparking into stunning brightness, and I felt myself jolted into the Doctor as something collided with my chest. I failed to see what it was though; I was falling, the marble floor expanding to become my sky; my eyes zeroing in on it until I could see every grain-

With a sudden, pounding thud, reality rushed back to me.

A thousand incomprehensible, ear-shatteringly loud sounds assaulted my sensitive ears as I lay on the floor- my limbs heavy, unable to move, capable only of listening as the sounds gradually decreased in volume and formed voices.

"The human is unconscious"-

"What have you _done_!?"

"-Oh, relax, it was only a tranquiliser"-

"Rose? _Rose_!"-

It was the last voice I paid any attention to; all the others faded away, retreating back into the solid mass of generalised noise. But I clung to the last one with every conscious cell of my body; yearning to open my eyes, to see his face, to let him know I was okay-

But I was _so tired_.

My body felt numb, like it had been injected with the anaesthetic; my ears and mouth and nose stuffed full of cotton wool as I was threatened with another wave of unconsciousness. Maybe I _had_ been drugged.

Dimly, I heard the voice again, calling me, dragging me back. There was coolness on my cheeks- fingers, cupping my face as my name was called again-

"Rose, wake up. Come back to me."

From somewhere I found a reserve of energy- maybe put there especially for this purpose; I didn't know, didn't care. All I focused on was dragging myself closer to the voice.

I opened my eyes to see the Doctor above me, looking more scared than I'd ever seen him before. I smiled to show him I was okay.

"We've got to stop doing this." I muttered, my tongue feeling fuzzy as I sat up. I smiled at the look of relief so intense on his face that it made him glow. Or maybe that was just me hallucinating. The Doctor grinned at me, all of the anxiety that had just been so evident dissipated. He turned away from me then, to Zekinyah, who was standing only a few feet away- and every ounce of the warmth disappeared as he glared at her flatly.

"Zekinyah." He began as he stood up, his voice colder than I'd ever heard it. "I warned you before that you did not want to make me your enemy. Now, experimenting on humans is bad enough, shooting Rose was the worst thing you could have done. Consider yourself and your cult _shut down_." He spat, turning away from the High Priestess without waiting for her response.

"Bring them back!" I heard Zekinyah scream the order at her followers as we walked away, but the Doctor only paused, and pushed over the bracket next to him.

The moment the candle touched the floor, it exploded, scattering bits of wax and flame everywhere- strips of fire crackling into life along the line of the star, blocking the Gilia Children's pursuit.

"It won't hold them off for long- come on!" I didn't hear what the Doctor said, but the fact that he was running away from the fire sort of gaze it away, and I followed as fast as I could, shaking slightly on my weak legs.

The affects of the tranquiliser were already surfacing again, but I bit my lips, hard, and they abated slightly, enough for me to continue as we sprinted away.

* * *

We ploughed through the countless doors- successfully knocking out any unsuspecting guard on the other side- and reached the lifts before we had heard any kind of pursuit.

The Doctor looked around- deciding quickly against taking the lifts- and dashing through a small, inconspicuous side door with a pale white sign above it reading, "Fire Door."

We took the steps three at a time, practically falling down the stairs in our haste- somehow, through all my stumblings, I managed to keep a semi-steady hold on the stairs as we jumped down whole flights of them. Luckily for me- who had considerably shorted legs than my alien- the flights were only four of five steps, so it didn't result in broken legs.

I focused resolutely on the Doctor's back in front of me- desperately trying to ignore the rising tiredness that I knew I would eventually be unable to ignore. I just hoped I wasn't mid-flight when I lost consciousness. I gritted my teeth as another wave of lethargy washed over me; I _had_ to keep going…

"Only two flights, Rose!" I heard the Doctor call over his shoulder, and with renewed vigour I ploughed on, hoping against hope we were going to get away.

* * *

We burst out of the fire door, gasping, into a garden.

The Doctor whirred the sonic screwdriver over the lock on the door as I looked wildly around, blinking in the sunlight- harsh after the artificial corridor lights.

The garden was large- circular, its edges ringed with trees. It was split- a large, fast-flowing river, ending in a small but tall waterfall cutting right through it- the other side much the same as this side; all Japanese orchids and oriental design. The wooden bridge that ran across the top of the waterfall arched gracefully from our side to the other, seeming oddly out of place on top of such a noisy creation.

I shielded my aching eyes from the sun and squinted hard, trying to see what was on the other side.

"Can you smell salt?" I asked, bemused as I inhaled deeply- definitely. The Doctor glanced around, taking in the garden.

"There's a gap in the trees, over there"- he pointed; over on the other side was a wide break in the trees that ringed the entire garden; to large and tended to be natural. "It must lead to a beach." Now that I looked, I noticed that the birds I could see wheeling and cawing in the sky above us looked uncannily like seagulls. The scent of sea salt was even stronger now I was paying it more attention. "Beaches always have ends." I murmured, thinking. "We head there?"

The Doctor nodded just as the door behind us buckled outwards, as if something behind it had just collided with it full pelt. A string of curses drifted towards us from behind it as we looked at each other, grinning, and set off for the bridge.

My eyes were burning now- a dull ache residing behind them as I fought the tiredness; damn Zekinyah and her alien tranquilisers.

If it weren't for them, none of what followed would've happened, and I wouldn't be telling this story. I wouldn't need to.

* * *

The door exploded the second my feet touched the wooden boards of the bridge.

Casting a fleeting glanced over my shoulder, I saw Zekinyah emerge from the darkness, followed by two of her oh-so-lovely men in black, trotting behind dutifully like puppies. I was still looking behind when the Doctor stumbled to a halt in front of me and I crashed into him; the impact making my head pound, black spots appearing on the very periphery of my vision.

I was about to ask him why he'd stopped, but a glance over his shoulder told me enough.

"How did you get there before we did?!" The Doctor's voice was indignant- as if he'd caught somebody cheating at snakes and ladders- as he stared at the two other Gilia Children, blocking our path. I groaned in despair, but shut up immediately as pain lanced through my forehead, the blackness spreading, obscuring almost half of my vision now.

_No,_ I pleaded to myself. _Not yet. _I couldn't sleep- not yet. When we were… when we were safe…

"I'm sorry." I whispered hoarsely, looking at the Doctor regretfully as the blackness took over, making me crumple to the floor in an exhausted heap- taking away from me the last words I would ever hear the Doctor say to me.


	7. Sacrifice

**A/N:** **Sunfall E, Lizzle09, Weepingangel123... **

"**I'm sorry." I whispered hoarsely, looking at the Doctor **

**regretfully as the blackness took over, making me **

**crumple to the floor in an exhausted heap- **

**Taking away from me the last words I would ever hear the Doctor say to me.**

**Chapter Six: Sacrifice **

**The Doctor **

I heard Rose collapse behind me, and tore my gaze from the Gilia Children to look at her.

There were dark circles under her eyes that hadn't been there half and hour ago. She looked like she hadn't slept in weeks, I thought, as I stroked her forehead. I was still kneeling next to her when I saw the polished black boots step onto the wooden boards and come to a stop mere feet away from where I sat. Glancing up, my brown eyes met Zekinyah's solid black ones.

I felt anger rise in me as I stared into her cold, merciless gaze. I'd met many cruel, heartless people in my travels, but Zekinyah was something else.

"Whatever you done, whatever you have given her- I want it reversed. _Now_." I ordered, my voice clipped in my anger as I tried to keep my emotions under control.

"I wouldn't talk to me like that, Doctor, if I were you," She warned me. I couldn't help but laugh at her threatening tone. What was she to me? An insolent little child trying to blackmail a man more than twenty times her senior. If she thought she could fight me and win, she was wrong. "You are not in control here-_ I_ am. So you are going to listen to me and do exactly as I say."

"Talk away, Zekinyah." I replied, my tone mocking as she narrowed her eyes at me and snapped her fingers. I heard a click behind me as two guns were cocked, and I snorted in disdain.

"If you think you're going to threaten me with guns and I'm going to roll over and do your bidding, you're wrong, Zekinyah." I glanced behind me at the two Children- what an idiotic and also perfectly suited name for these people- who was staring at me resolutely through their rifles. I snorted at them. "Put them down. You might hurt yourselves."

I sniffed at the pathetic look of confusion they shared at my words, lowering the guns ever so slightly. Zekinyah frowned.

"Even you, Time Lord, can be killed with guns."

"Yes," I nodded in agreement, meeting her challenging gaze evenly. "Doesn't mean I'm afraid of them."

The High Priestess blinked. "Why not?"

I laughed as I stood up, taking Rose's limp body in my arms. I refused to even accept that she was dying. "I could spend every minute of my life worrying over what could kill me, Zekinyah. When you've lived as long as I have, trivial things such as death cease to matter."

"And yet her death would concern you a lot, wouldn't it, Doctor?" She leered, nodding at the limp form in my arms. I swallowed- I couldn't give her any more power over me. I was in a difficult enough position as it was.

"Doesn't your religion have quotas about killing people?" I tried, nodding at the gun in Zekinyah's hand. She grinned.

"Yes, but nobody will mind, I'm sure, about your pet, Doctor."

I'd had enough of her threatening Rose now, and was ready to get myself out of this situation.

The only problem was, I didn't know how.

For the first time in my life, I was powerless. There was nothing I could do with Rose unconscious; nothing I could use. I couldn't put Rose down to get anything out of my pockets. The TARDIS was miles away. There was, literally, nothing I could do.

And it scared the hell out of me.

I had never been this powerless before. There was a high chance that something really bad could happen- and Rose was with me.

I felt myself swallow as I looked down, into her sleeping face. She was going to get hurt- I could feel it. And it would be my fault. All my fault.

What would I do without her? What would I do if I let her die?

I couldn't save her. Not this time. I glanced at Zekinyah again- saw the smile on her lips. She knew.

She knew I could do nothing.

There were only five of them, but right now there could've been thousands of them.

My back hit something- I hadn't even realised I'd been backing further away from them- and I looked back; seeing the wooden beam of the bridge, the waterfall beyond it, pouring down the rocks in a sort of timeless ease.

I blinked, an idea forming.

And then shook it away. No, I couldn't do that. Rose would never have let me. I looked down again, staring at her as she slept. She was so young…

And she would die- here, right now, on this bridge if I didn't do something. Anything.

Already the plan seemed better already. I knew what could- probably would- happen, but that didn't bother me.

Could I do it?

Yes. For the girl sleeping in my arms, blissfully unaware that I was making the biggest decision of my very long life, I could do it. I just hoped she forgave me for it.

Images flashed up in front of my eyes- two suns, red robes, the citadel, the Time Lords; everything I had lost and mourned for, wallowing in grief for nine long centuries. And then there was Rose. A single image- the first time I saw her face and my grief took a back seat. For the first time in so many years, I had felt alive again.

She'd saved me, all those months ago, and now I could do the same for her.

Zekinyah was still smiling at me- she was so assured, so confidant that I had lost, that she'd won. But they weren't the same thing. And her certainty was going to destroy her.

I smiled at her- allowing all of my cruelty and joy and happiness and fury into it, and her face cracked- the leer faltering the first time. I had lost-certainly, of course I had. Without a doubt- but so had she.

She was afraid of me; for the first time, she was seeing what I was, what I could do.

"Fire!" She ordered, but she was giving it too late- I'd already won.

I couldn't save _us_, not this time- but I could save _her_. My Rose. I looked down again, smiling tenderly, lovingly at her, and her eyes fluttered open. They met mine- startlingly blue in their confusion-as I leaned backwards, the beam folding under our combined weight. I kept myself looking at her, every atom of my existence focused on remembering every inch of her face as I said goodbye. Emblazoning her face in my mind, so I could carry it with me, _wherever_ I was going. I kissed her- first her forehead, then her lips as the world tipped around us.

And I let us fall- still smiling as she screamed; she finally understood what I was doing. Making sure I would hit the water first.

**A/N: I am so VERY cruel!!! Ha… sorry folks, I both love and hate myself for writing this story- it just came to me in a dream (I can't ignored dreams- I become obsessed with writing them down. I finished this entire story in two days!) I am at this point listening to "Goodbye My Lover" by James Blunt (don't ask people, it was a gift!) and it totally works… **

**Reviews? **


	8. Rose

**A/N: Hmmm.... not sure if this is sad or not- get back to me people! **

**Taylor Harkness: Well, I did say I was breaking all codes of conduct involving DW! **

**Chapter Seven: Rose **

**W**hen I regained consciousness, my first feeling was of being very cold- impossibly cold. Colder than I'd ever been in my life.

Somewhere, in my tattered mind, a small thought; _Am I dead? _Drifted to me, but I dismissed it. If I was dead, surely I wouldn't be wondering about it?

My eyes were still closed as I woke up properly- something told me to keep them closed. So, I trusted in that voice- and lay there, in the cold and the darkness and the silence, waiting in nothing as my limbs grew ever colder.

* * *

The seconds, minutes, hours- I didn't know which- dripped by like water from a broken tap, until I was jolted from my semi-alive state by a voice I recognized. Relief surged through me- so I wasn't dead. Wherever I was, there was someone here I knew. I could get through this if there was a familiar face besides me.

"How long has it been?" The voice said, echoing through the darkness, breathing life into my motionless body. "How long as she been there? Get her out!" hands grabbed at me, pulling me upwards-

The tinkle of water as it poured off my heavy clothes; trickling away the darkness as I was carried away somewhere, swishing through the air as fire spread through me; given life by the voice and fed by the movement.

"Rose? Rose?" My brain was in tatters- I was grasping desperately at straws- but I was piecing myself back together, slowly, as I felt a person beside me- the owner of that lovely, familiar voice. "Rose, you have to wake up- you're injured, but you're going to be okay. I just need you to open your eyes; darling, can you do that?"

It was a struggle, but I managed; with a groan, I cracked my eyelids open- hissing as light streamed into them. I could see a faint silhouette above me, but no features.

"She's awake!" They said again, the silhouette above me moving as they leaned back slightly. "Rose, do you remember who I am?"

I tried to speak, but my head felt stuffed, thick and heavy, on my shoulders. I shook it slowly, trying to clear it- but the person above me took it to mean I didn't know who they were.

"Rose, it's Kesh. From before." Her face swam into focus in front of me; details trickling in slowly, filling in the blanks as I stared at her. "With Jeshi, the big bird?"

"I remember." I said quietly, finding my voice as broke bits of memory came dribbling back; a white room, full of cages; a big, fat white candle; running, running, running- a terrible, gut wrenching terror as I fell-

I blinked. I couldn't remember how or why I'd fallen, or what off. "Did I fall?"

Kesh nodded, and suddenly the scene behind her clicked into place- we were on a river bank, next to a big waterfall. "Yes, you fell off the bridge."

I winced as I sat up slightly; the movement making my head spin. There was something else, too- something so very, very important; greater than my life, but I couldn't remember…

I glanced at the woman as another black-clad Gilian came up to us; the two shared a glance, and the new-comer shook her head.

"There's nothing." She whispered quietly, trying not to be heard. But I heard it, all too clearly as more and more memory came rushing back- being on a bridge, darkness, being so very tired, and him, as he looked at me- seeing his face through the blackness, his expression confusing me. As if he was looking at me like he needed to remember every line, every mark on my face- like he wasn't expecting to see me again.

I sat bolt upright- the pain that lanced through my forehead going unnoticed as I scrabbled up and grasped Kesh by the lapels on her collar, looking at her with crazed desperation as more and more of my mind came back, bringing with it memories I didn't ever want to see.

"Where is he?" I said, and Kesh looked at me with scared speechlessness, and I shook her hard; terror making me hurt her. "_Where_ _is_ _he?_" I screamed, my fevered brain working overtime as I tried to process what their eyes were saying.

"No, this couldn't be happening!" I shrieked- not realising I spoke out loud; shoving Kesh as far away from me as I could, stumbling away from the two of them, my head moving far too fast as I whipped around; looking, hoping, praying-

"_Doctor!_"

My scream was deafening- my senses screeched in agony as I kept going, screaming hysterically as I went; slipping sliding on the muddy slope. I pushed past the countless Gilian people milling around on the riverside, all of them looking at me with that same pitying look. Hands grabbed at my wet clothes- comforting words were muttered in my ear as people tried to stop me going further, trying to calm me as I kept on screaming- for _him_.

A man- I didn't know who he was, only that he was _not_ the man I wanted- came up to me, wrapped his hands round my shoulder as I almost fell, my legs aching with the effort of keeping my balance in the slick mud.

"Come on, girl." He murmured gently as I thrashed against him, my screams turning to hysterical shrieks as more and more people came forward, grasping at my hands, my feet, taking me away, away from him-

But I could see him; and that was all I needed.

With a snarl I stopped thrashing and twisted round in their grasp; and sank my teeth as deep and as hard as I could into the man shoulder, channelling all my rage and terror and desperation into that single bite.

He yelped in real, bitter pain as I bit even harder- slipping in the mud, taking me with him, out of reach of the subdueing hands-

We crashed to the floor, but I was already scrabbling to my feet, ducking under the arms, sliding through legs, my tiredness forgotten in my anxiety.

I had to reach him. I _had_ to.

I crashed to my knees in the mud, my hands already stretched out towards the Doctor.

"It's alright, Doctor- I'm here." I cried, stroking the wet hair off his forehead, unable to keep the hysteria out of my voice. "Wake up." He didn't move as my hands fluttered helplessly over him as tears started to fall down my cheeks.

"Doctor, you have to wake up." I wiped them away furiously. There was nothing wrong with him- he'd wake up in a minute… "You can't stay here"-

"Rose." I heard Kesh's voice behind me, but I didn't look up. She wasn't important. She said something then, but I ignored her- kept on blocking her out until her fingers wrapped around the wrist that was still pushing the Doctor's fringe out of his eyes. I froze and looked at her. She stared back, and I could see my reflection in her black eyes- my hair dishevelled, mud spattered across my face and clothes; my eyes wide, hopeful, refusing to believe-

"Rose. Come inside with me. You've got some nasty cuts that need seeing. We need to"-

"I'm not leaving him." I spat, and she flinched. "I need to be here when he wakes up. He needs me, _here_."

Kesh looked at me, her eyes shining with pity. I looked away from her; I did not need her pity. There was no call for it.

"Rose," She said my name- so gently, tenderly, like talking to a child. "You need to come with me. It was the fall, the rocks. The Doctor, he's"-

"_There's nothing wrong with him!_" I screamed, turning on her, my eyes blazing, hysteria lacing my words until I was shrieking.

"He's _dead_, Rose." She said, and a turned away from her, shaking my head quickly. Too fast, making my neck crick painfully. I hissed and ignored it.

"You don't know him like I do," I said, smiling- but she didn't look convinced. I leaned forwards, closer to her; trying to make her understand…

"He doesn't die, he regenerates. That's what he'll do. You'll see!" I shouted, my voice uncontrollable. I was clutching the front of her robes now, shaking her roughly, trying to make her see- this was the Doctor. He didn't die; he wouldn't, he _couldn't_, I loved him too much-

It took me a moment to realise my vision was blurry with tears, and I blinked them away fiercely. I didn't want the Doctor to see me crying.

Kesh's hand slowly rose from her lap and touched mine gently, softly, prising them away from the fabric. I let her guide my hands to me lap, my whole body numb.

"He wouldn't leave me." I whispered. "He can't. I've got to"-

Suddenly staying right where I was seemed like the most important thing in the world.

"Doctor," I whispered, and my voice was small, pleading now. I couldn't take my eyes off his face. In a second my mind had memorised the shallow cut on his cheek, the mud splatters. The complete absense of expression on his face.

"Please."

And then I was crying; huge, fat tears that rolled down my face as I looked at the Doctor; his face covered in countless tiny cuts; his cheeks bruised, his arms, his hands- every part of his body bruised and lifeless. This wasn't him. He couldn't do this to me- he couldn't leave me on my own. The Doctor- he wouldn't…

My fingers wriggled out from under Kesh's- flashing to the Doctor's wrists, frantic. I waited, my fingers pressed against his cool skin, hoping- _willing_ myself to feel it… a tiny, insignificant pulse that would tell me he was there…

But there was nothing.

I'd lost him. Forever this time.

I felt Kesh's hand on my shoulder as I put my head on his chest- hearing no dual heartbeat that I'd heard so many times- and put my arms around his neck. I couldn't control it then; I sobbed- feeling the unnatural looseness of the bones in his neck; they were unconnected, limp under my touch. My chest contracted with sobs- great, heaving cries that echoed around me and made my throat feel like I was swallowing razors. But I didn't care about the pain. I didn't even notice it.

The Gilian's around me had all stopped talking; staring in silence at the blonde human girl who was screaming with uncensored, unadulterated agony, her face awash with tears as her body contorted with pain as she gazed- unable to look away- at the unmoving form of the Doctor. They could have looked and muttered and gossiped all they wanted, I didn't care. What was I going to _do_?

"Doctor, you promised." I whispered, kissing his hand, staring into his blank face once more before I buried my face in his shoulder- unable to see it or anything else through the watery haze obscuring my vision. My mind refused to believe it- my body knew its truth all too well. I knew nothing but pain as I felt the last of Rose Tyler die, snatched away just the like he had been, and I clutched what little bit of the Doctor I had left as close to me as I could.

"You promised you'd never leave me."

**A/N: Reviews? It's not the end people- two chapter to go! **


	9. The Doctor

**A/N: With thanks to everyone who's followed and reviewed! **

**Chapter Eight: The Doctor **

When I woke up, it was cold.

Very, very cold.

I was lying on soft, muddy ground, my mind informed me. I could hear the sea-like sound of water lapping at a shore behind me. No, wait, _around_ me. I could feel it as well; surrounding me on all sides, like I was lying in a puddle.

How odd.

I remained with my eyes closed, creating a mental map of the things around me before I opened them; there were birds, not far away, their cawing noticeably sea bird- like. A dull roar behind me- like tons of water hitting rocks after rock after rock- thudded away in my unconsciousness, sparking a memory- hazy and undefined; but distinctly special, in some way. Falling, hearing a scream- a woman's- the loveliest of screams I'd ever heard. A face…

Rose's face.

I don't know where the name came from- it was just… there.

* * *

I rolled over and opened my eyes.

The white, cloud-filled sky greeted me; the harshness of it making me squint. A quick glance around me told me I was lying on a muddy river-bank, half-submerged in the water.

I didn't know how I got there.

My mind was clouded, my thoughts thick. An unpleasant sensation of sickness and vertigo swept over me as I stood up, half grimacing in anticipation of seeing the mud caked to my clothes.

But there wasn't any. Not a single speck of the shining, sticky mud was on me.

Frowning, I glanced around in confusion for an explanation- and my eyes fell on it.

"Ah." I murmured, stepping forwards and looking at the body that had been laid on the grass at the centre of the garden.

"Now," I announced to the garden, walking around the circular patch of grass as I talked. "Assuming I know stuff- which I do, and very much stuff, might I add- then I would say this patch of grass here is a Beyond Circle. Very religious." I frowned. "I hope they don't keep it there forever…" I coughed, remembering what I'd been talking about and turning my attention back to it in a flash. "As I was saying- it's a Beyond Circle. Called so for the place of the Final Journey. The deceased are put at its centre, and it is believe to aid the flight into the afterlife. And, if I am correct- which I always am- then that there would be me." I sniffed, examining the me in the middle of the Circle. I hoped I still had his crazy hair. "Which means I'm, well, dead." My eyebrows raise as I contemplate this piece of information curiously.

And then the wise, centuries-old Time Lord manages to produce the universe's best comeback to being told you're dead.

"Huh."

I hadn't needed to see myself dead- I already knew.

I sighed heavily- being dead wasn't all that different. Bit boring really.

And then I glanced up, and saw who was standing at the other side of circle, and my chest contracted.

Rose.

"I don't know what to do, Doctor." She whispered- her voice was so hoarse; it sounded painful, like she had swallowed sandpaper. "Help me. Please." I could see tear marks on her face, even from over here. I tried to swallow the lump in my throat, but it refused to disappear as I watched her head drop into her hands, her shoulders shaking.

Oh, how I wished I wasn't dead right then- wished so strongly with every fibre of my being.

I longed to cross the scarce distance and envelope her in the hug I could see she so badly needed. But I knew it would make no difference. She wouldn't feel it. My embrace could no longer bring her the consolation she desperately needed.

She turned then, away from me and my body, breaking into a run, disappearing down the track to the beach, the very same one that we had been heading for when everything went wrong. I can recall everything, now I let myself; the fall, hitting the water and the rocks underneath; safe in the knowledge that Rose was above me. Safe, because I wasn't, from the sharp, unforgiving edges lurching under the water- and now I am glad I took the time to memorise Rose's face before I saved her. Now it will be forever engrained in my sub-consciousness.

I watched her go- a small, broken woman now- and I feel the guilt well in me. In saving her, I killed myself, which is now killing her. My Rose- the one I sacrificed myself to save- was dying; fading away like a watercolour left in the sunlight too long.

And without meaning to, I followed her.

* * *

She was sitting cross-legged on the sand when I emerged from the trees. The beach was long and blank- empty, unadorned, juts miles and miles of sand, a tiny blonde figure sitting in the middle. Alone in her grief.

It broke my hearts to see her so alone- because that's what she was now. In saving her I had stranded her here; the TARDIS wouldn't fly now. Not now I'm gone. She was never going to see Jackie ever again. When I had gone, I had taken everyone else she loved with me.

Slowly, on silent footsteps, I moved towards her.

I made no imprint on the sand- and I suppose that summed up everything. Life is only a footprint in the sand, I thought nostalgically as I walked. When the tide washes it away, it leaves such a blank canvas behind; but one that can never be drawn on properly again.

Rose gave no sign that she heard me as I drew level with her, sinking to my knees next to her slumped shoulders. I was content just to watch as she looked unseeing, out into the waves, the horizon; the days dying light casting her face in a pale pink glow. I studied her face- seeing the sorrow there, and closed my eyes against it. I wished I had told her about the exceptions- wished I'd prepared her. She had had such limitless faith in my regenerations- never occurring to her that I could really, truly die. A small, bitter laugh escaped my lips- I had always worried that I would have to watch her grow old and die, whilst I stayed like I was, immortal in my Time Lord form. Never had I imagined I would be dead long before she was.

Wind fluttered her hair, creating a fan around her face as she looked, paying no attention to the brown-suited Time Lord with the crazy hair next to her, who was as much a part of the background as the sand was.

I just sat there, drinking in everything- remembering. Preserving. Saving.

Letting go.

And then her head snapped towards me, my name already on her lips.

I held my breath as she blinked in confusion; as if she'd thought she'd seen me, but when looked properly, only the sand greeted her. She turned to look back at the sea. I let myself relax slightly- trying to ignore the gut-wrenching pain at the hopelessness of my situation as it swept over me. I would never again be able to speak to her, to hold her-

"Doctor?" Her voice- her lovely, Cockney drawl of a voice- that I heard so many times before, dragged me back.

And I found myself staring directly into her eyes as she looked at me. Straight at me. No hesitation at all- no confusion. She could _see_ me.

"I… I saw you- from the corner of my eye." She whispered- and I heard the hope in her voice; hardly daring to spark into life for fear of being crushed. "Doctor? Are you… are you there?"

I didn't dare try and speak- what would happen if I tried; dared to even imagine that she would hear me- and then realised she couldn't? I shook my head at myself silently; it just wasn't worth the heartbreak. I had enough of that to deal with already.

I watched the light that had sparked into Rose's eyes die as the silence lengthened, and any hope she'd had that I was there faded away, and she laughed bitterly.

"Stupid idiot." I heard her muttered, and I yearned to reach out and touch her- she was so close, so tauntingly, deliciously close- to tell her that she wasn't that I was sorry, so sorry for what had happened. I wished so desperately that it wasn't me causing her this grief, that it wasn't real, that I would wake up tomorrow and it had all been a dream. I wished-

I wished I'd told her the truth.

I wished that I had told her I loved her. Just once. Even if it had just been a whisper in her ear as she slept; even that would have been better than her never knowing.

I couldn't bear it any longer- the dead light in her eyes, like a black hole, devouring everything I loved inside her. And so when my hand reached towards her, I didn't stop myself; I was screaming, begging, pleading at myself just to please, please, _please_ let me touch her; just once, just one fleeting feathery light brush against her skin to get me through an eternity of this meaningless nothing-

Rose jumped as my fingers- just the very, very tips of them before I snatched my hand back- brushed her shoulder. And then she was looking at me again, really, _really_ seeing me.

"Doctor." She whispered my name through her tears- fresh ones, I could smell the new salt in them- and she smiled then; really, truly smiled, as if seeing me had lifted the world off her shoulders.

And I allowed myself one second touch; lightly pressing my lips to hers. Telling her everything in that fleeting touch; every single thing I had ever said in my head when it should have been spoken out loud to her- telling her of how she had never left my thoughts, of how I did not regret dying for her. Not once, not in the seconds that had followed my death nor the eternity that would follow this meeting would I ever, once feel even the barest flicker of regret for what I had done for my Rose.

Just one touch- so fleeting, like the brush of a butterfly's wings. The barest of contact between us before I stood, turned in the sand and walked away without looking back; leaving the woman I loved to mourn me on the sand.

**A/N: LAst chapter up tomorrow, if I can managed it. Reviews?... **


	10. Epilogue

**A/N: Dedicated to everyone who actually reads and reviews- love ya all! **

**Epilogue **

**I **knew this man once. This wonderful, brilliant, absolutely crazy man.

He saved planets, stars; people on a daily basis, but not once did anyone ever thank him for it. Most places forgot him, almost as soon as he was gone.

He never asked for thanks- but then again he never asked for the trouble either, but he got that. He got a lot of that.

And I loved him, so much. Still do.

His name is the Doctor.

I never thought gods could die- because that's what the Doctor was, to me. A god. Perfect, in every way imaginable, in my eyes. I was obsessed with him. I would have died for him- I did, in a way. I was ready, so _ready_, to leave my old life- even my mum- behind in a split second to go and travel with him.

I loved every minute, the travelling- I wouldn't change any of it. Not even the monsters, the near-death experiences, the fear- I wanted it all. Because it is commemoration of the time I spent with the Doctor.

I never thought it would end.

* * *

He comes to visit me, every Sunday of every week. For the past ten years.

The Doctor.

Every time I see him, I am struck by just how much he looks the same. He told me once, so long ago; outside a simple, ordinary café, that he doesn't age, he regenerates.

But now he does neither.

Of course, I don't actually _see_ him. Nobody can.

But I know he's there. I do see him, in a way- I can sense him, picture him in my mind. As if he's sitting right next to me, but without being there. Only ever in the background, the periphery; never seen clearly.

But I don't care. Anything of him is better than nothing. It means I don't become some hollow, dead shell of loss, obsessed with my memories. I would easily have done that, a decade ago; when he died, the weeks and months passed in such dead, flat chaos. I felt nothing. I didn't know how to.

I didn't know what to do- how do you react when the whole centre of your life, your existence just, disappears? How do you live when life itself becomes a meaningless _thing_? In the sense of the word, I suppose Rose Tyler died when the Doctor did.

Maybe I should start somewhere else.

* * *

It has been ten years- ten long years- since my Doctor died.

For nine centuries, he had been so impossibly lucky- escaping the monsters time and time again; managing to cheat death ten times before the creature in the black hood and the scythe caught up with him. I learnt quickly- in the most painful way possibly- that not even the Doctor could run forever.

And so he died. He tells me, all the time; that it wasn't my fault, but I know it was. But I don't wallow in self-hatred all my life, spending every moment wishing, wishing, _wishing_ away the years, trying to turn back time so we've never went there. Never got caught up in it all; never died. I don't waste what precious life I have in regret. The Doctor doesn't.

And I have to live on, for the both of us.

* * *

The weekend is not my relaxation time. It is my time of work.

I have a lot of things to do on the weekend- for starters I have my memories to visit.

"Hello, mum." I whisper, placing the flowers gently in front of the marble headstone. The light shines off the newly cut marble, glittering in the early winter sunlight. It's new- I had it replaced, just a month ago. The previous one had only been less than two years old, but my dear old mum deserved the best. Even in death, I was going to treat her like a queen. I smile thinly to myself- she would have told me I should have it replaced every year, if she'd been here. "How's you been?"

I get no answer, but I expected none- not all of the dead speak to me. Only one.

I stay for a moment, just reading the words I had had engraved;

Jackie Tyler

1st February 1967- 22nd April 2018 (51)

In Loving Memory

of a Mother who forgave me so much.

Fifty-one years old. Too young. But she was ready, I think.

She went peacefully, in her sleep- my smile turns to a laugh as I realise that if she was still here, she'd be telling me right now she'd have wished she went a different way- "dying in your sleep is so undignified, Rose! Why couldn't I have gone dramatically, like in a boat accident, or a zeppelin crash?!"

That would have been _so_ Jackie.

"MUM!"

I turn, the voice making the moment vanish, but I didn't mind- not when I see who is running towards me.

Within seconds, two clumsy bundles of clothes had launched themselves at my lap, giggling as only children can. My two children.

I know- it is so fanatical, to think that every sad story ends with children, who have been named after the dead person. But mine is not like that.

I have children because I wanted them- but also, I suppose, because so many people were worried about me for years that I felt that I had to act like I had moved on, settled down; got over the Doctor.

But the truth is, I haven't- the Doctor is and always will be my life. I know that now. Nothing- no_body_- can take his place.

But they don't need to know that. The Doctor is my secret, to be kept to myself; close to my heart, for me and me only.

"Hello my darlings!" They squirm and wriggle away from me as I ruffled their hair affectionately. Alanka and Jack have lovely hair- all black and curly. It's not mine, obviously.

It's Mickey's.

I suppose you're sitting there, snorting in disbelief- how could I leave the Doctor, for Mickey?

But the truth is that I was tired- so very tired- of being pressured and questioned and muttered about behind my back. After he died, I went back home- the Sisters offered me a Terminal Two-Way Hyperlink; it enabled me to travel through several dimensions, but also one ticket back too.

So I went home, sobbed my broken heart out to Jackie and Mickey and everyone who'd ever known about the Doctor. And then I went back. They didn't understand why I went back to that planet, that world where I'd lost everything.

But I couldn't leave him there. On his own. I knew he'd been lonely in life- I couldn't bear the thought that he'd be stuck there, alone, forever.

So I went and I stayed. For years and years, I existed; drifted through the minutes in a sort of life haze. I didn't live, I was just…_there_. Until people started talking. Saying I had been grieving for long enough- it was time for me to forget the Doctor, to move on with my life.

But they didn't get it- the Doctor _was_ my life.

So I married Mickey, to appease them. Don't get me wrong, I love Mickey- in his own, special way, he's the love of my life.

But the Doctor is the love of my life, and _beyond_ that.

Mickey knew, right from the start, that he couldn't be what the Doctor was. He wasn't the replacement, because I wasn't looking for one. Out of everybody, Mickey understood. He'd met the Doctor- seen us together. He knew what we had, and it was stronger than anything that could possibly ever exist between two humans. And so he became my best friend under the pretence of my husband . The man I couldn't live without; helping me keep up this façade of normality; when every Sunday I talked to the dead man I loved so much.

Mickey knew about the Sundays- he could hear me, talking away the hours of that one day, to thin air. Every hour of every Sunday I spend in there, talking, talking, talking- and he lets me, hardly ever mentioning it. I have probably broken his heart over and over again, but he forgives so many things- the fact that I have the Doctor's clothes- his suit, his coat, his countless ties- all folded up, all his things in boxes under the bed. _My_ bed, not Mickey's.

He's over-looked so many things; the fact that we have a doubled garage, but he's only allowed to keep one car in it, the other space occupied by the TARDIS. He didn't mind that the very first thing I did, the moment I was let out of hospital, was take my two newborn children up into this attic to show the Doctor. He'd come when I called him, even though it was the wrong day, and I'd felt such unbelievable pride when the Doctor had touched the two tiny babies in my arms with the hesitance of someone way out his depth; the first touch they ever felt, besides my own- even before Mickey's.

But I couldn't help wondering, at that time- what would have happened if we hadn't gone to Gilia; if would've been the Doctor's children I held in my arms, not Mickey's.

Mickey evens lets me sit the children down, beside the fire, and tell them stories- so many countless stories; about animated plastic, catnuns and Daleks and werewolves and tin dogs… he watches in silence as I fill our children with the Doctor. I don't know how he can stay here, with the Doctor sewn into the very fabric of his life, with a crazy wife who talks to thin air on the same day of every week.

Except it's not; the air in that room- the room I had specifically created for this sole purpose- is thick, so dense you can cut it. The Doctor's presence is tangible- I can _smell_ him in that room. The very particles are infused with him- sunlight, pines, lavender, and something else I couldn't ever name; the scent I smelt every time I hugged him; clutched him as close to me as I could. Even now, after such a long time, I can still remember it- it's a constant layer engrained on the inside of my nose. I smell it- his hair, his coat, his skin- every time I inhale.

Given that I am not religious- not in the slightest- my Sundays are sacred; nothing ever comes between our visits. I have rescheduled birthday parties, missed deadlines, ignored invitations, interviews, you name it- they all take a backseat for the Doctor.

Because I can't let him go.

I am thirty-five now- and I have been called so many things because of the Doctor. Crazy, obsessed, cruel, desperate, mad, pitiful. Most of them have come from Mickey.

I have put the man through so much- and yet somehow he cannot leave me.

It is so much like the Doctor and me. He could have done whatever he wanted to me- yelled, insulted me, abused me; and I would have come back, time and time again. Because I would have loved him anyway. And I love him more now, because I know the Doctor would _never_ do that, even though he knows he could've.

And Mickey stays with me, knowing full well that I see the Doctor every time I speak to him.

I do not deserve Mickey. And yet he stays. For me.

* * *

"I met someone yesterday, Doctor." I say, my voice echoing through the room. It is in the attic, light shining through the floor the ceiling slanted windows. It is the one room that I have kept dust-free. Every other room in the house is cleaned once a month. This one is cleaned every Sunday.

I have kept it bare, because I need nothing when I am here; this is for talking, not leisure, or relaxing or whatever. When I go in the morning, six o'clock exactly without fail, I take only a single, tall candle in a bracket. When it burns itself out, I leave. Not before, not after.

I sit on the bare floor- the unadorned floorboards swept clean- the candle by my side, and wait. Wait for him.

And then he is there; beside me, sitting cross-legged on the floor in front of me; standing beside the empty fireplace. Anywhere in the room. I can track his movements so easily now- it is unconscious- my senses creating a mental map of his movements. He doesn't need to make a noise; I know he is there as soon as he _is. _

"Her name's Rose. Rose Tyler." I laugh quietly to myself; the sound is quiet, sad in a humorous way. "She's from a parallel world, Doctor." I feel him sit down next to me. He is inches from my skin, and yet I look- knowing I stare directly into his eyes- into empty space. I turn my head, staring intently into the corner- and there he is; right in the corner of my eye, I see him; blurry and hardly substantial. I can practically smell his confusion, his curiosity, his disbelief.

"Apparently the universes are breaking up, something to with reality, and a bomb. People can travel between parallels." I explained, understanding his disbelief. "She just came up to me, in the street. Younger- more like twenty two than thirty five. It's so weird, seeing yourself, Doctor. Especially in the street, in the middle of normal life…"

On the periphery of my vision, I see him move, his reaching towards me- I feel a slight touch on my hand; so cold, and so fleeting that I could blink, pass it off as imagination, had I not seen him place his hand over mine. I clutch his fingers tightly. "She told me that on her world- the parallel world, you are alive"- I feel the hand in mine clench- "That you never died. But we're not together, _at all_- she was trapped on a parallel world two years ago, and she never saw the Doctor again. And then he met other people, who travelled with him…" My eyebrows rise and I look at him- still seeing nothing as I smile. "That so you, Doctor- you grieve by moving on, finding another woman to take my place…" The hand is wrenched from mine, and I sense him move, to the window.

In the sunlight I can see him, clearer than anything. Rather than seeing _him_, I see the dust motes take on his shape, gathering loosely together until I can almost see his silhouette- looking out onto the garden, hands in his pockets…

I have become so attuned to him that I can even hear the dead speak now. Sometimes, he speaks and I heard him, deep in my mind. His lovely voice is now an echo of its former self, but it still so very, very beautiful.

But mostly, he prefers to write it down.

The white walls and floor are covered in black writing- how he writes it and what with, I don't know. But I never knew that much about the Doctor before he died. Funny how it would cost him his life to get him to be truly honest with me.

I repaint the walls and floor every eight months, when he's covered every imaginable inch of the whiteness. It needed a good repaint, I realised. The entire room looked like it had been splashed with black paint.

"Just think of it, Doctor," I whisper, tears threatening to spill down my face. "In a different world, you didn't die, but I never got to see you at all."

Only silence meets my words, save for the squeak of invisible fingers on glass, as the Doctor writes his response in the fog of the window pane.

_Would you prefer that? _

"No." I say, leaping up, dashing across the room until I am standing beside him. Already, the four words on the pane have dripped beyond recognition. "I don't waste what life I still have left on wishing you were still alive, Doctor. You are here, with me. That is all I need."

I kiss him then, all of my senses intensified- I know, without looking or calculating, that I will kiss him on the lips.

I have never missed once.

His lips are cold under mine; I dimly feel a faint coldness on my back in the shape of hands. A tiny part of my mind stops to wonder what I must look like; standing still, my arms around an invisible person's neck; curled around in mid-air.

We break apart, and I stare- my chin slightly tipped upwards- I know exactly how many degrees I have to look up to be able to stare into his eyes. I have done it so very many times; and for a moment I can see him- feel his arms wrapped around me, staring at me with so much of the love that he kept locked away when he was alive.

"Oh, Doctor." I whisper, my voice so inaudible that even I cannot hear it, but I know he hears. I clutch at him tightly, every cell in my body silent, having grown tired of screaming the illogicality at me and being completely and utterly ignored every time. I know and do not care than it is impossible to lean into thin air and not fall over. I smile to myself. A lot of things in my life are _so_ impossible.

Because, if I have known anything as solidly as I know this- it is that we are _so together_, the Doctor and me. Two people, entwined in passionate loss- a package deal. When I grow weaker, and eventually pass on, then… then the Doctor and I will truly be together. I will finally see him again- properly, both of us side by side, watching the universe grow old. Together in our own little glorious world. Forever.

Nothing can take me away from him; I am just the crazy woman, living in the great big house that makes so many weird noise- chuckles; long-winded explanations in a crazy, energetic voice; the rustle of a long brown coat; strange whirrs of a sonic screwdriver… spending her years talking to a ghost.

But the most incredible ghost anyone could _ever_ have.

**A/N: I really do love this story! I think it's one of my favourites… very sad and very lovely at the same time. I think that's a point for my dreams, eh, people?! **

**Come on, reviews? It's not you get a story like THIS everyday… **

**Right, originally this was just this story, but now it's the Forever Cycle. I have a one shot called "Broken Hearts" and a mini-story called "Living Through Tomorrow" to upload. They'll be up soon, promise. Might even do one today... **


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